All my dreams I carry with me,
in a bag of broken glass.
It’s not the parts of busted hope,
it’s the memories of the past.
Make the good things last. | Noah Gundersen
Out of curiosity, today I Googled “how many words are in the average novel?” The general consensus was between 80,000 and 120,000. So, the midway point between those two would be 100,000 words. (Hey look, MATH!) I found myself unable to decide if 100,000 words seems like an enormous amount, or a completely attainable one. It depends, I suppose. If you asked me to read a 100,000 word doctoral thesis on the lifespan of a fruit-fly, that would be a lot of words. If, however, you asked me to read an exquisite, well-crafted novel, 100,000 words would seem like nothing at all. Likewise if you ask me to write 100,000 words. I could do it–really anyone could–but then again, anyone could sit down at a computer and type their name over and over and over again. Technically, that would be 100,000 words.
But that’s not the point, is it?
Words have to mean something. That’s what differentiates between 100,000 repetitions of your name and a 100,000 word thesis on a cure for cancer, or a 100,000 word novel. The novel doesn’t have to win a Pulitzer and the person who cures cancer doesn’t necessarily win the Nobel Peace Prize, but their words have weight, have meaning, perhaps even have soul.
I posted a quote that is an excerpt from William Faulkner’s Nobel Prize Banquet Speech here. I can’t paraphrase Faulkner’s words without doing them a gross injustice, but to put it in my own weak and feeble words, Faulkner believed that real writing, true writing comes from an examination of the human heart, with all of its pain and pleasure and passion and disappointed dreams. He says that without discovering the importance of the human heart within ourselves, we can never hope to write anything that is truly living, beating, pulsing with life-giving blood. Without heart, we are simply writing–and living–based on the muscles and sinews and arteries that perform their required function.
This quote was first pointed out to me in a creative writing class and has really resonated with me since. It was interesting, therefore, when, after re-reading Faulkner’s speech last night, I came across this post by a fellow blogger Cristian Mihai entitled: You’ve got to sell your heart . His post was inspired by a letter from another well known writer. I thought this post really delved into the heart (pun 100% intended) of what Faulkner was trying to say. You can’t sit down at your computer or your notebook and tap out a perfect, cookie cutter little story or poem (or novel, or song, or proposal, or law brief, or statement of accounts or…). You have to put some of your blood, sweat, and tears into the thing. At this point maybe the law brief/business proposal/accounting letter loses some of the ability to relate—but does it? If you truly love something and are passionate about it, will you be content with just cranking out some mediocre piece of work that took a little brainpower and a little elbow grease, but not much else? Cristian Mihai says to sell your heart, Faulkner says to find fear and in so doing, rediscover the heart. I’m going to take it one step further.
You have to set your heart on fire.
In a song called Hey Hey, My My (Into the Black) and in the notorious words of the late Kurt Cobain: “It’s better to burn out than fade away.” Don’t misunderstand–I’m definitely not idolizing Kurt Cobain or his fate, but he was on to something when he penned these words. I think the phrase “burn out” has more negative connotations than I feel like listing here, but a few would apply to drug users and some to the everyday man–burned out by the relentless drudgery of day to day life. This is not the kind of “burn” I mean. For something to burn, it first has to be set on fire. Fire is hot, fire is light, fire is dangerous, and fire is a little bit scary. But is it better to live your life in fear of the fire? Or is it better to let it take hold of you and burn hot and bright until it either ignites further flames or it burns through all of its fuel and leaves behind only ashes? In the words of another famous song writer:
“We call them fools
Who have to dance within the flame
Who chance the sorrow and the shame
That always come with getting burned
But you got to be tough when consumed by desire
‘Cause it’s not enough just to stand outside the fire” – Garth Brooks, 1993.
I think it’s a choice that has to be made, no matter your dreams, desires, career, or lifestyle. At some point, you have to decide: will you “burn out” in a blaze of glory that leaves a mark? Or will you simply fade away, never burned, never scarred, and without ever really living?
This weekend, I saw the movie “The Words,” with Bradley Cooper, Dennis Quaid, Jeremy Irons, and several other big names. It was a wonderful movie–beautifully filmed, well-acted, interesting, and very emotionally engaging. I would definitely recommend it to anyone–that is, anyone who is not an aspiring writer. Of all the movies I have ever seen, nothing has hit quite so painfully close to home before this movie. Without telling you anything you can’t read on IMDB.com, the film mainly concerns Bradley Cooper’s character, a struggling writer who just can’t catch a break. His inability to be published tears him apart from the inside and there is this one scene, near the beginning of the film, where he walks out of a dinner with his wife and another couple. The other couple is trying to convince Bradley Cooper and Zoe Saldana to go on a yacht trip to the Caymans (or something). Bradley storms out and when Zoe follows, he completely loses it. He says something along the lines of “I don’t know how people do it. I don’t understand how they got where they are, how you got where you are. I don’t understand how people know what they’re doing. I’m not who I thought I would be, I’m not who I want to be.” Maybe Bradley is just that brilliant of an actor or maybe the script was just that well written, but if you want to see the picture of someone whose passion is completely tearing them into pieces from the inside out–that’ll do it.
At that point, I knew all I could do to make it through this movie would be to hold on for dear life and watch the story unfold. As I said, it was an excellent movie. It also completely laid bare, via a fictional character, the insecurities and torments that plague many would be writers, such as, unfortunately, myself. I know neither of my friends had any idea what was going through my mind as I watched the rest of the film, but watching that scene made me feel like I was standing in front of a crowd, naked, giving a speech on something I did not prepare. So, if you know a writer or would be writer or wanna be writer and you want to understand anything about how their minds work–go see this film. If you are a would be/wanna be writer, still go see the movie, but be prepared to be completely blown away by it. This is not meant to be a “woe is me” post or a critical review of the movie, but perhaps seeing this movie simply came, for me, at a time when everything is already so shaky. Graduation is mere months away and there are so many decisions to be made. The economy is not in a great place and neither is my writing, if I’m being honest with myself. The real world is a scary place to be as a college graduate right now, especially as a college graduate with a degree in liberal arts and little knowledge of what she wants to do other than “write…or something.”
All this said, maybe it is a good movie to see. Maybe we all need that wake up call that we have to push through…whatever it is…that plagues us if we really believe in our passion. Bradley Cooper’s dad tells him, after refusing to lend him money, that maybe he should consider his writing to be a hobby and to get a real job. Maybe we all have to reach that point and choose one of two ways–to let our passion be just a “hobby” while we face reality and the cold, hard facts of life or maybe, like Bradley’s character did, we say to ourselves “just a little bit longer” and…somehow, we stumble across something that can give us everything we’ve dreamed about…although, hopefully, without the exact circumstances and consequences presented in “The Words.” But I don’t want to spoil the ending of the movie. And, as for me, I don’t know where things will go or how they were end, but the journey is all there really is and all we can do is hang on tight and try not to shut our eyes.