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“Fog’s burning off.”
I looked up at the feeble sun, just visible through the murk. The river was black with melted silver showing at the edges. We leaned on the fence, breathing hard. We ran as far as we could while the fog held, hoping to put in some distance.
“Your granda used to tell stories of the old country. Green hills and the mist coming down over the river.” Dad’s lilt came out, like it always did when he talked about his Da.
I heard the low thunder of countless feet.
“They’re coming,” I said.
Time to run again.
24 thoughts on “Out of the Fog”
Nicely done. I would like to find out what happens to them!
Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it.
I want to know what “THEY” are. “Countless feet” is such an amazing phrase — two small words that evoke panic and fear and a sense of inevitability — that you are only one against leviathan. Well done! Wow — I really want to know more about this scene!
Nice sense of urgency here
Hope they caught their breath. Well told.
i felt the sense of urgency and the panic even as their pursuers remain unknown. very effective & intriguing piece.
Thank you! I don’t think it’s always necessary to know what/who someone is running from.
I like Helena’s comment above. This is VERY good. I could feel the tension coming from the page. Excellent! Nan
Thanks so much, Nan! I’m glad it worked for you.
For me, their peril is enough, I wouldn’t want to know more as there’s the suggestion that they may be caught……or of course, it’s an innocent chase with friends and all ends well. Very nicely written indeed, atmospheric and tense too.
Thank you! I have the (bad) habit of writing FF posts that are ambiguous/cliff hangers…it’s the only place I can (usually) get away with it! Glad you liked it.
Love this – I’m echoing everyone when I say the tension grabs you right away. Nicely done.
Thank you, Katie!
I felt the urgency.
I loved the lilt in the father’s voice when he speaks of his own father. Nicely woven into the overall tension.
Good piece, with good pacing. I can feel them panting when they reach the river.
Great tension in your story!
Maybe it’s just because I’ve taught kindergarten before, but I envision a lone adult, running ahead of a horde of screaming 5-year-olds. They’re small, but there’s strength in numbers.
This made me laugh! Maybe they’ve got snacks in their pockets and the kindergarteners are ravenous!
LOVE IT! ❤
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Am I blushing? Yes, I’m blushing. Thanks so much for your mention! Enjoyed this post, as always 🙂