It’s Wednesday but time for Friday Fictioneers, it may sound odd, but just go here, and all your questions will disappear.

         “This is the most rubbish idea you’ve ever had,” Rat said.
         “Worse than the graveyard?” I asked.
         “Well…no,” Rat said.
         “The graveyard was pretty shifty, though,” Pol said.
         “We’re agreed then. Not my worst idea.” I eyed the dilapidated building.
         “I don’t know, Rin.” Rat looked around nervously. “We’ve never been this far from the aeropad before.”
         “Relax, boys,” I said. “Don’t get heebie. It’s broad daylight. The Slinkers won’t be about.”
         Halfway across the deserted street to the decrepit villa on Old Earth, I heard skittering footsteps. Too late, I wondered if Rat and Pol were right after all.

* I just watched all of Firefly (how dare it be cancelled midseason?!) so space and space cultures were on my mind. Might have to revisit these three.

39 thoughts on “Earth-That-Was*

      • I think they need some room to breathe. In such a small space, this left me gasping for more. (Wow, Helena, get over yourself… seriously… room to breathe/gasping for more? You think you’re so bloody clever)
        I am, darling, and don’t you forget it.

      • I could NEVER.

        If only I had access to my gmail I could send you the beginning I’ve got at the moment…guess you’ll just have to survive on this little bit of oxygen. I suggest you don’t speak–uses up the air.

      • You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were politely telling me to shut up…. hahahaha

      • Oh, did that come out politely? My fault.

        Just kidding. If I wanted to tell you to shut up, I’d take a line from the great film, Princess Diaries 2, and tell you to “Hold your breath and count to infinity.”

      • Oh my god, I love that movie. That’s the one with Heath Ledger as the Joker, right? I’m so confused.

        I think that somewhere, Vegas is paying out big money. They set odds at a zillion to one against anyone ever uttering the words “great movie” in conjunction with “The Princess Diaries 2”, though I understand that their lawyers are currently fighting it on the grounds that they assume it was sarcasm.

      • If you’re thinking of the one where the Joker sings “Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You” then you might be right.

        But I thought you LIKED Anne Hathaway?

        I should get some of that money if it’s payed out. After all, I’m technically responsible for that reprehensible statement.

        Although, c’mon, Julie Andrews! I’d totally go live in Genovia (if it existed) if she was Queen.

      • No, that’s the one where Julie Andrews dresses in drag and Ed Wood obsesses over a pink angora sweater — or am I confusing Glen or Glenda with Victor/Victoria?
        I like Anne Hathaway as Catwoman.
        (And you beat me to the 10 Things I Hate About You reference. Well done. I feel like we’re playing tennis and that was an excellent volley.)

      • No, no, no Ed Wood is clearly trimming fantastical shapes into the topiary while Julie Andrews serenades a group of adorable and incorrigible children outside a nunnery.

        Anne Hathaway…er…filled out that role quite well.

        Verbal tennis: yes. Actual tennis: no. Wii tennis: only after several Greyhounds.

      • All while Jack Sparrow/Edward Scissorhands and his dad rock out beside Mick Jagger singing Sympathy for the Devil while Julie Andrews cooks up a spoonful of “sugar” backstage (it’s what makes the medicine go down, don’t you know?)

        The Countess tried to teach me Wii bowling after a few Greyhounds. Many a gutterball that night, let me tell you. (By the way, I’m delighted that all this banter is public — your readers will know just how nuts you — who am I kidding? — we are)

      • Right before Inspector Abberline/Tom Hanson walks in and catches them/himself with the goods…or is it, in fact, Jack Dillinger disguising himself!?

        This is either madness, or brilliance.

        Funny how often those two terms coincide.

      • How do you spell the sound of flicking your lips with your finger up and down like a fan — you know — crazy people make it. (assumptions, assumptions, darling)

        Incidentally, I’d forgotten that Depp played Dillinger, so you one-upped me, there. Point H2O

      • You know, we should just put some of this banter together into a story. We’ll just have to make up a colourful name for you, like Princess Hannah Bananahammock. Oh, wait… that’s none too flattering. Sorry about that, my backspace key is broken again.

      • Well, there is a reason you’re named Helena Hann-Basquiat.

        You keep saying we’ll collaborate and we never do. I can only put up with this teasing for so long.

      • Ah yes… I do seem to recall.

        I think we work best unscripted. We should just start a variety show, and then once the camera started rolling, we’d both freeze up and not be able to say anything and the nervous tension would be hilarious.

        But if this is you calling me out, I say bring it, cowbird. Pistols at dawn. You bring the pistols, i’ll bring my friend Dawn and we’ll give her a ten second head start and then start shooting.

        (That’s how pistols at dawn works, right? Or is that just how they do it in France?)

      • Oh…I mean, it thought we were on page 112 of Helena Hann-Basquiat and Hannah Wanders Away, Episode 15A…


        I’m not sure I’ve ever been called a cowbird before…and I think they prefer pistolas at noon. It’s cigarettes and a croissant at Dawn, who may or may not be a femme de la nuit that one picked up outside the Arc de Triomphe after one too many glasses of rose and an entire creme brulee one ate entirely on ones own beneath said Arc while maudlin-ly singing ‘Quelqu’un m’a dit’ off key.

        Or does that happen in the next season?

  1. Pingback: Overheard at Vers Les Etoiles Asylum for the Mentally Deranged | Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat, Dilettante.

  2. Great bit of sci-fi. I like the sound of “slinkers” (but wouldn’t want to meet one!).
    I agree about Firefly – I’ve watched it all 3 or 4 times (including the film). Tragedy it getting cancelled like that. Still, getting suddenly cancelled seems to be Joss Whedon’s speciality :-(.

    • Thank you! And you DEFINITELY don’t want to meet the Slinkers.

      Joss Whedon seems to either get cancelled or if he makes it to the end he kills everyone off anyway.

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