copyright Douglas M. McIlroy
“Sir–SIR!” The waitress’ cry came too late; she flushed an unbecoming shade of red that clashed with her green kimono and bleached hair.
Other diners were staring disapprovingly at the man standing thigh deep in the decorative pond. Bethany looked around helplessly for her manager before shoving back her oversized silk sleeves and stalked over to the wader. He stared intently down at the fish.
“Sir, please exit the Koi pond. And Golden Buddha,” Bethany said.
“But it’s my pond.” He turned towards her.
“What?”
“I just bought this place,” he said with a debonair smile. “I’m Bruce Wayne.”
Vers Les Etoiles 
Apparently batman is into some freaky stuff. I did not know that about him. I always knew there was something off about that guy.
The guy just really likes koi! What can I say? Not a lot of fish in Gotham these days.
I am seriously laughing hysterically, but maybe not for the reasons you intended. The way I read this, it’s just a crazy guy saying that he’s Bruce Wayne. Which makes this even funnier, darling.
That’s the way I was intending it to be at first–but I thought I’d be my normal annoying self and leave it up to the reader to decide if this is the real Bruce Wayne or just some joker.
…see what I did there?
clever girl.
That ending was ace, I’m laughing out loud 🙂
Glad to hear it! Humor is not one of my strong points, I’m always a bit nervous no one will think it’s funny. Thanks for reading!
LOL this was so cute. i actually imagined him as the real Bruce Wayne. then thought that maybe the guy’s just seriously drunk. either way, it’s hilarious 🙂
Thanks so much! I liked the idea that it could go either way–I DIDN’T have him diving in with two hot models, since that would leave no room for the duality. Glad you liked it!
Well well only a movie star could get away with such behavior. Crazy or not, Bruce Wayne or not. Very clever.
Thank you!
I thought of some crazy as well. But then I decided if you spend too much time just looking at koi you will go crazy
Maybe he really IS Bruce Wayne but staring too long at the fish he’s gone completely batty.
Can I get away with that one?
Be yourself. Unless you can be Batman, Then, ALWAYS be Batman. I loved this, and the pun in the tile!!!
I’m not sure if the title even goes with the story, but I just couldn’t pass up the pun. And yes, ALWAYS be Batman. Glad you liked it!
I could wax not-so-eloquently on why Batman is better than 99.99% of heroes…but I might stir up a lot of controversy. Maybe a blog post is in my future…. The wrath of comic aficionados will rain down on me.
Oh, please do it. I wouldn’t argue with you! He’s the only one that’s halfway interesting…
THANK YOU. I’ll just have to be prepared for the barrage of “But what about this lesser known character and his arc?” Because, really, I’m not that knowledgeable outside my dad’s ancient comics, my childhood cartoons, and recent Batman movies. What the hell, it’s my blog. I’ll be counting on you to agree heartily.
I will be there! Also, I’m pretty sure, “What the hell, it’s my ___” is my new favorite phrase.
It gives you license to do so many things. Well, within reason. As in, I can’t chop off all my hair and dye it bright blue because, well, I would probably never be employed.
I know, right?! I would have a purple streak in my hair if I could get away with it. Jerks!
I really wonder if in our grand-children’s (oh good lord, let that be in the FAR distant future for me) wprk culture, tattoos and piercings and hair color will be less of a big deal?
Oh, good question. That is one thing that, so far, hasn’t changed much with time. I hope that, in this far distant future, I haven’t turned into a conservative old bag who is appalled by what the “youts” are doing to their “poor bodies!” Because… I mean… I might.
I’m more worried I’ll be swilling straight vodka and not be waiting for the clock to strike 5:00…
But very true. Although with the invention of this here internet, our progeny will be able to see what we REALLY thought. Talk about blackmail…
Whoa. Although, actually, that makes me want to be more provocative, so I can scandalize them when I’m too old for it to be “seemly.”
Scandalous family members are the best. I aspire to be one, now.
also, giggling at “youts”
There’s a REAL Bruce Wayne?
Hmmmm………
Only Alfred can talk him out of the pond.
I think Alfred took a long holiday!
Clever punch line! Came entirely out of left field, which generally leaves me laughing. Nice job.
Thank you! Glad to make you laugh–thanks for reading.
A clever take on the prompt. I would think a bat signal would send him on his way and avoid further embarrassment.
Ah yes, maybe someone in Gotham city will need him VERY soon.
Ha ha!! What a delightful story!! 😀
Oh, to live a life like Bruce Wayne, you could get away with anything…
Loved it.
Thank you!
Dear Wanderer,
Been fishing on Netflix, have you? A marvelous mashup for the prompt.
Aloha,
Doug
Doug,
You caught me there! Thank you and thanks for reading.
Dear Wanderer,
I’m pundering your story with a grin. I always suspected that Bruce Wayne had bats in his belfry. Cute story.
shalom,
Rochelle
Rochelle,
Glad the puns weren’t too much of a punishment. A guy who spends that much time in caves when he has a perfectly good mansion has to be a bit off. Thanks for reading!
I’ve always watched Batman. From the time he was on TV every week. Never saw him in a fish tank. Maybe the joker had him in one at some point. Missed that episode. Holy omission!
Holy deviation from canon? I think the joker definitely had a hand in it.
A wonderful twist on the current meme: “I’m Batman.” It made me giggle. Just what I needed with my morning coffee – Bruce Wayne, dancing with the fishes.
I love the caped crusader, so I was glad I got to arbitrarily sneak him into this one! Glad you liked it–be careful not to giggle WHILE drinking coffee.
Ah, the caped crusader strikes again. Those koi won’t know what hit ’em.