The Cleansing

Another Wednesday appears, another Friday Fictioneers. It may sound confusing, but please don’t fret, the days of the week haven’t changed just yet. With Rochelle at the helm of our little written ship, giving us 100 words to twist and flip, we write our little tales inspired by photos such as this–so carefully chosen we can’t possibly miss.

        “It looks so peaceful,” Kal said regretfully.
        The tall, lush grass was damp with the morning dew and it clung to their robes. The Master’s white beard trembled in the morning breeze as he regarded the clotted-cream clouds fiercely; one white eye seemed to pierce through the rolling mist. Ropy veins crawled like blue worms under the skin on the Master’s thin hands as he held them out over the valley. Kal watched the clouds move steadily, their underbellies beginning to darken.
        “The cleansing,” the Master said quietly.
        Kal turned his head, wishing there was another way. 

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32 thoughts on “The Cleansing

  1. I love this, but have a suggestion for tightening/strengthening your writing:

    “The tall, lush grass, damp with the morning dew, clung to their robes. Master’s white beard…”

    I don’t think we need, “Kal chanced a glance at the Master.”

    Other than that, I REALLY liked this. Your descriptions are so vivid, and there’s a very clear sense of sadness over the impending doom – however temporary, however beneficial it will prove.

    • Thank you–you’re right! I tweaked that bit and some other parts. I often breeze through the “editing” on these because they’re so short, forgetting that every word counts even more.

      Thanks for commenting and critiquing! Glad you liked it.

      • I just want to say that I find it so refreshing that critique is actually given and gracefully accepted between the authors. I’m glad I found you super neat-o guys n gals.
        ~Chris

  2. Really powerful piece, Wanderer. Very solemn…
    I look forward to reading more of your writing.
    ~Christopher

  3. One of those stories that feels like just a snippet of a much larger story. And your precision creates such a detailed picture of the Master and the clouds. Great stuff!

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