One of the funniest things people ask me–whether they remember my “hobby” of writing from the past or my enrollment in graduate school is under discussion–is: “So, have you written anything lately?”
To which I always want to respond: “Have you breathed lately?”
I’m not sure if writers fall in the category of mythical creatures in some people’s minds, perhaps slightly less rare than the spotted whangdoodle or chupacabra, but I think one of the perks of being considered slightly mental by the “responsible, contributing members of society” is that people will ask the most inane questions. Listed here, in no particular order, are some of my favourites (That’s for you, Helena):
1. “So you’re getting a degree in Creative Writing, what do you want to do with that?”
Well, I think I’ll solve world hunger and then perhaps discover an alternate universe that I can then visit with my handcrafted spaceship and/or time machine.
2. “Have you ever written about me?”
No, but if you keep harassing me, I will. And it will not be to your advantage. Or, yes, go read it and then you’ll most likely stop harassing me anyway.
3. “So…like…do you want to work for a newspaper?”
I’m fairly certain the newspaper is supposed to report facts. This issue is, however, under review.
4. “Have you written anything lately?”
Firstly, define “lately.” Have I written anything in the five minutes I’ve been enduring tortuous small-talk with you? No. Have I written something since the last time I spoke to you which was before we had learner’s permits, much less driver’s licences? Yes. Several things.
5. “Can I read your blog?”
Well, I don’t know, can you? You may read my blog. If you follow me on any form of social media you’re harassed with it weekly. If you can’t manage to find then then I will assume, no, you can’t read it.
6. “Do you write stuff like Twilight?”
Related rant: Five Things Your Writer Friends Want You to Know…
(The title of this page should be read in the voice of Vizzini)